Chapter 3

Pre-Intake- November 27, 1981

Since I was an adult, I was required to attend an Open Meeting prior to signing myself into the program.

My parents and I arrived at the Straight building at around 5:30PM. I am not one for large crowds, and this lobby was packed to capacity. People were hugging each other, some were crying, some were happy, and some looked exhausted. I looked for Cathie’s mom. I couldn’t find her. After a while my parents and I were led in to the main auditorium. We were seated near the rear of the room.

Up front was a large group of people. Girls on the left side, guys on the right side. Between the groups were two people sitting on stools. They were singing song like "You can be Straight", "Oh, what a beautiful morning" and "Up, up with people". There must have been close to 350 people sitting up there.

To my left I noticed several signs on the wall. These I later learned were the 7 steps of the program. I thought they were interesting but I really didn’t understand what the words meant.
The group up front sang a song called "I am Straight" sung to the tune of "I am woman." Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw a man making his way to the front of the group. He was an older man with a gray mustache and beard. He introduced himself as Dr. Newman. He was the program Director. He welcomed everyone to the meeting. He spoke with a confidence I had seldom heard before. As he spoke, he talked about hope, and how change was possible here. He mesmerized me. He was the kind of person I could listen to for hours on end. When he was finished, he turned to the group of clients and said "Love ya group." The group responded in unison "Love you Dr. Newman."

He handed the microphone to one of the Staff members. She welcomed everyone to the Open Meeting and then turned to the girl’s side of group and asked, "What girls earned "Talk"? Several of the girls stood up. Everyone clapped. Then the Staff member asked, "What girls earned "Talk and Responsibilities?" Other girls stood up. Again, everyone clapped. The mic was passed to the other Staff member and the same questions were asked of the guy’s side of Group.
At this point the Staff Member explained that we were going to hear from the Newcomers that had been here from 3-14 days. We were asked to listen closely to what they had to say. This was an important part of their program. The mic was passed to the end of the front row. Each Newcomer introduced themselves by telling everyone their first name, age, the drugs they have done, how long they did them, if they thought they were a druggie, and how long they had been in the program. After that they started talking about the drugs they used, how their family relationships were, their druggie friends, school, and trouble with the law.

The stories they told were amazing, in fact they were telling MY story. I found myself wanting to cry at times, because I knew what they were talking about. I knew the pain they felt. They talked about the drugs they did and how it affected their lives. They talked about the times they overdosed. Some talked about nearly dying because of these drugs. They talked about the loneliness they felt because of the way they were treated by their druggie friends. They talked about how they had isolated themselves from their families because they were ashamed of their drug problem and how the drugs had become more important to them then their family. They talked about the fear they felt when they found themselves in trouble with the law. They talked about stealing from their family and others to help support their habit. They talked about skipping school so they could go out and get high. After they talked about their past, they talked about how they felt about being in the program. Most seemed to be happy and proud of their accomplishment in staying straight, even if it was only a few days. They then set goals, things they wanted to accomplish in the next few days.

There must have been at least 20 or more people that introduced themselves. By the end of all the introductions, my throat was very sore from holding back the tears of sadness I felt.
Next, there were two other people that had been in the program for a while that introduced themselves. They talked about their past too, but what made their introductions different was the way the talked about their present. They talked about how their family has been closer than ever before. They talked about the quality of their newfound friends. They talked about how well they were now doing in school. They talked about how good they felt because they were dealing with their drug problem honestly. It was quite inspiring to hear them talk the way they were.

After their introductions some parents introduced themselves. They talked about what it was like to have a druggie child living in their home. The isolation, the lying, the stealing and how the family was torn apart because of drugs. They would talk about how they would have to bail their child out of jail after being arrested. The pain and anguish was sometimes unbearable. But then they talked about the closeness that the family is experiencing now that their child is off drugs. They talked about the pride they feel when they look at their child today. After they finished their introduction their child made their way out of the group and gave their parents a hug. It was emotional for me to see this. I hadn’t given a genuine hug to my parents in so long.

I had thought I had seen more than I wanted to see, but it wasn’t over yet. One of the Staff Members announced that it was time for the parents to talk to their kids. I couldn’t believe what I just heard. There were well over 600 parents in this room and I didn’t want to think about how much longer we were going to be here. I started getting a little agitated.
The mic was given to one of the parents on the front row and was passed from there. For the most part the parents merely said, "Love you" to their child. From deep within the group you could hear the response back "Love ya Mom, Love ya Dad." But it wouldn’t be long before a couple would stand up. A child in the group would stand and listen. The parents talked to their child about how they felt about them being here. A lot of times the parents would let them know that they were glad they were here and would give them encouragement. One message that seemed to be repeated was even though they loved their child very much, they weren’t coming back home unless they were straight.

Every now and then a couple would stand to talk to their child and out of nowhere a shout from the group said, "Coming home!" Everyone in the auditorium would applaud. It was deafening. Seconds later the child could be seen making their way out of the group and then run across the room to their parents. They would hug for a long while. I couldn’t hold back. I was so overwhelmed with happiness for the family I started crying. After the child got back to where they were sitting, the parents would talk to them about how proud they were that they were finally coming home. They looked forward to starting the healing process within the family. This happened several times during the course of the night. Sometimes when a parent would tell their child "Love you", the child would yell out "Third Phase" or "Fourth Phase". Again, there was the deafening eruption of applause. The parents would take a few moments to talk to them about their progress and how proud they were of them.

About an hour later, someone came up to my parents and I and escorted us out of the auditorium. I was relieved. "Finally, I get to leave this place." Was I ever wrong. I was taken to a very small room. It was carpeted, measure about 10 X 10, only one door, and no windows. In the corner of this room was one chair. I was asked to sit down. I complied. Two guys came in and introduced themselves. I was polite and shook their hands. They brought in two other chairs and sat down in front of the door. I felt trapped, no… I was trapped. I was asked about what drugs I did. I told them everything. I held nothing back. But when I was asked if I thought I had a drug problem, I lied and told them I had it under control and could quit any time I wanted. They asked me if I had ever stolen from my family to get money for drugs. I told them I had. They asked me how I got along with my family. I told them I thought we got along okay. They asked me how I did in school. I told them I was a poor student before and after doing drugs. They asked me if I had ever been in trouble with the law. I told them about the time I was arrested for reckless operation. They asked me if I thought my friends were decent. I told them that I thought some were all right, but others weren’t very good for me. They asked me if I had ever skipped school or called off from work to get high. I told them that I skipped school to get high, but I didn’t call off from work. They asked me where I worked. I told them I was unemployed. I was beginning to feel embarrassed to answer the questions because I knew where this was headed. They asked me why I wasn’t working. I told them I didn’t want to work. They asked me if I would rather get high than find a job. I told them I would. Then I was asked again, if I thought I had a drug problem. I hesitated. Then said "maybe".

On a pretty consistent basis this one kid would stick his head into the room and ask if I was going to sign into the program. I don’t remember what my response was, but this guy didn’t give up. He must have asked me a half a dozen times if I was going to come into the program. He started getting on my nerves. He seemed almost giddy with happiness. I was a little jealous because I didn’t feel happy at all. At one point I wanted to go outside and smoke a cigarette. One of the guys left the room to check if I was allowed to leave. He came back and told me I couldn’t leave yet. I told him that I wasn’t going anywhere but outside and I would come back in after I was done. He still said no. I was pissed now. I started yelling at them and told them they couldn’t stop me from going outside to smoke. I was, after all, an adult. I stood up to leave, but the two guys got up and blocked the door. Being a skinny, 135-pound guy with no fighting ability, I was intimidated by them and sat back down. I was still very mad about this situation. I was a caged animal! A different group of guys came in and sat down. They asked me the same questions that the first set of guys had asked. I told them I already answered their questions and now I wanted to leave. I was told that my parents were in a meeting with other parents and I couldn’t leave until they were dismissed. I told them that was fine, I could meet them out in the parking lot. They still told me I wasn’t going anywhere. I was mad. Over the course of the next several hours I was repeatedly asked about my drug problem, my family relationship, my friends, my job situation and my 'druggie girlfriend'. Yeah that's what they called Denise. That same guy constantly asked me if I was going to sign in. I repeatedly answered their questions, but let them know that I was ready to leave and would talk about this in the morning, I was exhausted. I was finally allowed to leave the room between 3:30 and 4:00AM.

I met my parents in the parking, got in the car and lit up my first cigarette in nearly 12 hours. They asked me what I thought of the program. I told them that I thought it was okay but I didn’t think I needed to be there. I begged my parents to reconsider and let me go home with them. I tried to convince them that I could take the steps down off the wall, take them home, and get straight on my own. But it didn’t matter what I said. My parents weren’t going to take me home. It was at this point that reality hit me. There were only two round trip tickets in the car and mine wasn’t one of them. I went to bed depressed and scared of what tomorrow was going to have in store for me.