Chapter 4

Intake-November 28, 1981

I returned to Straight, Inc. the next morning at about 9:00AM. I was still exhausted from the events of the night before and wasn’t happy to be making a return trip here. As we pulled in front of the building I noticed bars on the windows. They were decorative but bars nonetheless.

I was led to a room where my Intake was to take place. It wasn’t in an Intake room like last night, but it looked to be a storage room. Hundreds of chairs were kept here for Open Meeting nights. For the next couple of hours I was asked about my drug use. Again, I admitted to all the drugs I ever did. But when I was asked if I thought I needed to be there, I said "no".

I was almost convinced that I would be leaving the building without signing in. When suddenly the door opened. There he was, Dr. Newman stuck his head inside and began yelling at me about how I had treated my family. The confrontation didn’t last more than ten seconds or so and when he slammed the door closed, I was stunned. I broke down and began crying. The Oldcomers asked why I was crying. I told them that everything that he just said was absolutely true. In moments I agreed to sign myself in.

The next thing I remember I was in other room and I had just signed the paperwork making me a Client in the program. The Oldcomer told me that I had made the right decision. I was scared to death of what would happen next.

I got up to go with them for my strip search. An Oldcomer reached behind me and grabbed my belt loop. I went to swing at him and was sternly told to relax. It was explained to me at that point that this was the manner in which I would be led around until I made second phase. I began regretting signing my self in.

I was led to the bathroom where I was told to strip. Although I understood why the strip search had to be done, it was a humiliating experience. After the strip search was over I was led out to the group.

We walked along the wall toward the St. Petersburg group. The Staff member asked if I was from Cincinnati. I nodded yes. We continued along the wall until we came to a door on my left. We entered the room. Inside, was a smaller group set up the same way as the larger St. Pete group. Guys on one side, girls on the other. I was stopped, just inside the room. One of the Staff members allowed a person who was talking to finish what she was talking about. Afterward, the Staff member told the group to "Listen Up." The person standing behind me introduced me. "This is Don, he is twenty, and he’s done pot, alcohol, hash, uppers, downers, cocaine, LSD, tye stick and glue. He has done these drugs over a period of five years. He says he doesn’t want to be here, but knows he needs to be." The Group remained silent. At this point the Staff Member asked, "Does anyone know Don?" I saw a hand go up and there she was, Cathie. We didn’t do drugs together, but because we knew each other, I was told that talking to her was prohibited. Next, the Staff Member asked if anyone had anything to say to me. "Here it comes", I thought. I am going to get yelled at. I was going to be told that I really had a drug problem and needed to be here." Instead I heard the group yell in unison, "Hi Don, Love ya Don." I was stunned. I was led to a chair on the front row. As I was walking, I made eye contact with another client sitting in the third row. His name was Dean. His eyes glared at me as though he was mad at me. I was scared. "Why was he so mad at me?" I thought. I sat down and tried to take it all in. I briefly glanced back at Dean again to see if there was a way I could find out why he seemed so angry with me. Again, his eyes glared at me and motioned me to turn around. I sat there, scared, confused, and thinking that perhaps I had made the biggest mistake of my life. My thoughts turned to my family. "Had they abandoned me?"

Then a thought suddenly hit me. A thought that hadn’t crossed my mind yet. "Denise is going to find the key on her desk and she is going to think I intentionally left her." I panicked. I began crying uncontrollably. I frantically looked for someone to talk to. With tears streaming down my face I spoke out to a 5th Phaser desperately trying to get his attention. Looking briefly at a Staff member he eventually made his way down the front row to me. "Please, I said, I need to call my girlfriend and explain where I am. She’s going to think I left her on purpose when she gets home. I just need to make one phone call, PLEASE!" I begged. The 5th Phaser told me I wasn’t allowed to make any phone calls until I was on 2nd Phase and even then I wouldn’t be allowed to call her. I don’t remember how long we argued but I pleaded with him over and over to make an exception here, after all I am an adult. But all the crying and begging in the world wasn’t enough to convince him to let me make that single phone call. I continued to sit there on that fron row. I felt lost and all alone.