Chapter 11

America’s Most Controversial Drug Rehab.

Fourth Phase

PHASE #4

THE CLIENT IS WORKING ON HIMSELF/HERSELF, FAMILY, ACHIEVEMENT, AND LEISURE TIME AND FRIENDSHIPS.

The Client will still be living at home and attending school or work and will be required to be at Straight four (4) afternoons and nights a week, only one (1) being an Open Meeting night, and one (1) weekend day a week for a minimum of 90 days.

1) The Client may make phone calls at this time.

2) No old drug-using friends or hangouts.

3) Responsibility for transportation of Foster children is the parents and Client on 4^th Phase.

4) If the Client is of age to drive, he/she may ask Staff for permission.

5) He/She must write Staff three (3) days in advance for permission to go anywhere. The parent’s approval must be on the permission first.

6) Moral Inventories, again, are mandatory on a daily basis.

I was glad to be on 4^th Phase. There were a lot of people that I had wanted

to get to know better and was looking forward to going out on “permissions” with them. It needs to be explained here that in order for two people to go out anywhere together, a permission had to be filled out and approved by a Senior Staff Member. The permissions were to be handed in at least 72 hours in advance of the day of the outing. A parent must accompany the Clients during the permission.

Fourth Phasers had three days off a week. The schedule was posted and maintained by Senior Staff. This was the start of what was called “controlled withdraw” from the Program. This allowed a Client to start dealing with everyday problems on their own without the idea of having to go to the Group.

Fourth Phasers sat in their own section of the group room directly across from the main group. It was known as the 4^th Phase side. I am not sure why a special side was created for the 4^th Phasers. Perhaps it helped motivate the rest of the group, maybe just create more room in the main group. I really don’t know.

An additional responsibility that I could do now was Phoner. A Phoner answered the phone in the main reception area and transfers calls or sends messages through the Runner for Staff Members. It was understood that confidentiality was to be maintained through out my shift. I wouldn’t be allowed to talk about anything I heard on the phone with anyone, including the Runner. One 4^th Phaser got into a lot of trouble because she was caught reading through old messages. Between calls it is common to talk to the Runner and share what changes we are working on. I looked at it as an opportunity to help a 2^nd or 3^rd Phaser get to the next phase in his program.

One day Ted was the Runner for me. We talked a lot about Denise. He told me that after I came into the program he and Denise got back together. But during a dance a song came on that made her think of me. She ran out of the dance in tears. Ted told me that she missed me very much. I still thought of her too, but I knew better than to tell Ted. He would certainly go to a Staff member and report me for having thoughts. Yes, it could get that ridiculous.

A common practice among 4^th Phasers was writing letters back and forth between other 4^th and 5^th Phasers. Letters must be written to members of the same sex. Most of the time content of the letters were changes we were working on, expressing a desire to be better friends, permissions we wanted to go on, and goals that we have. 4^th Phasers were also permitted to write and receive letters and cards from family members and some friends outside the Program. Friends not in the program had to be approved by Staff.

My second day on 4^th Phase was a challenge. I had put in permission and it was denied. I later learned that the Permission was denied because I had to make up a day from 3^rd Phase, when I failed to sign back into Group. Any time someone left the building, or maybe even if one left the Group room, he/she must sign in/out so Staff knows where you are. Another challenge I faced on this day was being replaced as Phoner less than fifteen minutes after being selected. I took it in stride and returned to the Group for guy’s rap. For some reason, I thought maybe I was being tested.

In addition to the responsibilities I had around the building as a 4^th Phaser, was the addition of responsibilities outside the group. It was called “Fostering Out.” This is when I was selected to go home with another Oldcomer, on 2^nd or 3^rd Phase and help them adjust to living at home. It wasn’t uncommon to see families having a difficult time getting along. Some of the old Druggie attitudes have to be dealt with before they go away. This is especially true for the younger Clients in the program, and who had been on 1^st phase for extensive periods of time.

I will never forget my first assignment. He was 14 years old and let me tell you, he was a handful. He had dirty blonde hair that never seemed to be combed. His complexion was pale; his skin was dry and flaky. On the way to his house, he decided to mess with me. When I asked him how I get to his house. He said he didn’t know how to get there. I know it took me every bit of 1-½ hours or better before he finally gave me directions to his home. I was furious. But for some reason, I never told anyone about the games he played. I went over his MI’s with him and talked to his mom and dad about what was happening since he’d been home. He refused to go to bed when he was told; he didn’t do any chores around the house, and he was always arguing with his parents. I spent three long days there. At one point Todd was called in to help me deal with this guy. He obviously didn’t like me, but took a liking to Todd. Hell, everyone loved Todd.

On April 11, 1982 I went to church for the first time since entering the program. I saw a lot of people that I hadn’t seen in a long while. Although I thought it was nice to see them all, it seemed to me that some of them were a little reluctant to say anything to me. I will never forget the hurt I felt because of that. I saw Penny for the first time since going into the program. As soon as service let out, she made a beeline for the door and I wasn’t able to talk to her.

On April 13, 1982 I called Tommie, a friend that was not in the program. He and I were best friends from 5^th Grade up until I started using drugs. Some how Staff found out that I called him and I was strongly confronted because he wasn’t checked out. In order for me to be able to talk to him or do anything with him, he had to come to the building and be interviewed and approved by Staff. I was told that I had to make up a day. (Lost a day off) A few days later, Tommie came to the building and was interviewed. I knew that Tommie drank on occasion and wondered if he would tell Staff that. Evidently he didn’t and lied to Staff.

My Senior Minister, Steve had told me that he would come to the next Open Meeting but he never showed up. I was hurt. He never did showed the support that I thought a Minister should show toward his “flock” as it were.

On April 17, 1982 I learned that 4^th Phasers have our own separate raps. Once a month the 4^th Phasers meet in a different room and talked about friendships and other concerns that a person may be experiencing on 4^th Phase.

I had job interview working as a forklift operator on May 1, 1982. A 4^th Phaser had a dad that worked there and did the hiring. I was excited about the possibility of spending less time in the group room. I was tested on the forklift. I distinctly remember Pamela & Sue being there and I didn’t hide the fact that I liked Pamela. I flirted with her and tried to impress her with my experience as a forklift operator. I got that job as a part time forklift operator. But I didn’t impress the Pam.

On May 2, 1982 I went on Permission with several other fourth phases. We went to the Cincinnati Zoo. We had a blast. It was important for Clients to make good quality friendships and do things together without doing drugs.

On May 10, 1982 history was made at Straight, Inc. Typically, a 5^th Phaser is 7^th Stepped on Fridays. But on this night something different happened. Toward the end of the Open Meeting, Mr. Stafford called Cathie up to the front of the Group. Cathie was still a Staff Trainee. As she made her way toward the front of the Group, she looked nervous. No one knew what to expect. When she got next to him, he asked her “What is your first step?” Cathie immediately began to cry. I felt a smile come to my face as I fought back tears of pride and joy. (It was typical to have the people who are going to 7^th Step the program, recite the steps) Cathie mumbled through the first step, stammering between the emotions and tears. Mr. Stafford realized that Cathie was never going to make it through all 7 steps so he finally said, “What is your 7^th Step?” Cathie composed herself and proudly said “Having received the gift of awareness, I will practice these principles in all my daily affairs and carry the message to all I can help.” With that, Mr. Stafford announced, “Cathie, you’re 7^th Stepped.” I was one of the first ones to my feet as the applause exploded in the room. I couldn’t be more proud. As far as I know, no one else has ever 7^th Stepped on a Monday night.

Looking back, something bothered my while in Straight. People, including Staff Members, made assumptions about how a client was doing based on his/her appearance. On May 13 I was actually confronted in group because I didn’t look “enthused” and “looked negative.” I got scared and allowed myself to feel disappointed and frustrated solely based on one person’s opinion or perception of me. This was common and in my opinion totally wrong to do. Oddly enough, I got my responsibilities back that day. So, on one hand, I look like crap, but I was progressing well enough to get my responsibilities back. Confusing.

But, wouldn’t you know it; I lost my responsibilities the very next day, for a week. I was working in the Kitchen. A 5^th Phaser told me to hurry up and get into Executive Rap. Well, I didn’t want to go to Executive Rap. I didn’t want to have to sit on the floor Indian style for 2 hours, so I took my time and never did go to the Rap. Looking back on this incident, it amazes and astounds me to think of what I could’ve been doing in that kitchen for 2 hours. To make matters worse, I actually wrote in my MI, under “Good Points” what a good job I did in the kitchen.

May 17 I was evidently angry with my Newcomer. Although I have no recollection of this day, according to my MI, I once again carved on my arms. Again, I was not confronted for it and no kind of disciplinary action was taken against me. I did lose an opportunity to have another Newcomer, but it was probably best that it worked out that way. I needed to find a more constructive way of dealing with my anger and not rely on self-mutilation. Unfortunately, it became common for someone to do this to himself or herself. I’ve watched girls pull their hair out, I watched guys carve on their arms with their fingernails to the point of drawing blood. I can’t tell you exactly why I did it, nor can I speak for the others that engaged in this type of behavior. But it was more common than anyone knew. Staff didn’t tell parents about this kind of thing.

I will always be confused as to how discipline was handed out by Staff. One client would get started over because they were progressing through the phases “too fast”. Yet nothing happened to me when I carved on myself. One client would be disciplined for letting a Newcomer cop-out, but another client who did the same thing wouldn’t. Executive Staff intervention rarely occurred and I believe there needed to be more supervision by Executive Staff.

At some point during my 4^th Phase, Sue & Pam stopped coming to the building. I assumed that perhaps they transferred back to the St. Petersburg Group and remained on Staff. It would be a while before I knew for sure.

I continued to go on Permissions with a lot of different people from the Group. We had a lot of fun. We would go to the Zoo, Amusement Parks, and Museums.

I got another job working as a forklift operator at another warehouse. I started this job on May 25. I find it amazing that I had this job for several weeks, yet I have no recollection of working there at all.

May 27^th will always be a day that changed my life forever. That evening, just before the start of Evening Rap, a thought crossed my mind. “If the doors of Straight, Inc. were to close tomorrow. Would you stay straight?” My mind was completely focused on that question. During the entire rap, I never once motivated to talk. All I could think about was that question. The Staff Members leading the rap never called on me to find out why I wasn’t involved. I think the Staff may have known I was going through something and needed to be left alone. At the end of that rap, I had made my decision. I was going to be straight, one day at a time for the rest of my life. I could have easily walked right out the door and never come back and know I would stay straight. But I knew that I wanted to complete the program. I had never finished anything I started and I wasn’t going to allow myself to fail at this. By God, I was going to 7^th Step this program.

On May 30 Dennie and I went on a permission together. It was the first of many and the start of a new friendship. Dennis came into the program from prison. He was at least two years older than me, but prison life made him appear even older. He and I went water skiing. I remember that he and I wanted to ski along the Ohio River from Ohio to Pennsylvania. He may have appeared rough and sort of a bad ass, but he was a real soft- spoken gentleman. We got along well.

On June 3, I learned another tool that was to be written by all 4^th Phasers after 50 days. They were called R.S.A’s. Rational Self-Analysis. If memory serves me right they were suppose to be written three nights a week for the remainder of my program. I don’t remember how they were done, and it’s a safe bet that I didn’t do them after a few weeks.

On June 5 after dropping off my Newcomer, I was signing out of the Group for my day off. Dean who had recently been promoted to Staff Trainee, approached me and said, “I’m calling you into Group today. I don’t feel good about you.” I was scared. You see my driving permission had expired at midnight. I had just put another one in that morning. “Did Dean know that the permission had expired?” “Did Dean see me drive in this morning?” I thought. I watched as he left the room. I dashed out the door and headed toward the front lobby. For a moment I even thought of copping out. I was careful not to be seen by anyone. When I got to the lobby I picked up the phone and called home. My dad answered the phone. “Dad, I said, I need you to come to the building and pick up the car. I’ve been called into group and won’t be coming home. Pick me up at 9:00pm.” My dad agreed and asked no questions. My heart was pounding. I went straight to the intake room and waited. I spent the entire day in Group. Terrified. I motivated constantly while at the same time praying not to get called on. A Staff member, at one point, had asked why he hadn’t heard me share lately in Group. I said that I had. I was waiting for a confrontation to begin, but it never happened. At the end of the day, I picked up my newly approved driving permission, grabbed my Newcomer and headed home.

June 18 I was selected to do what was called “Parent MI’s” We actually read over the MI’s of parents and helped them write better ones and make solid changes in their lives through the MI’s. I always thought this was a strange practice, having kids telling parents what to do.

There were times when the number of misbehaviors in Group was more than normal. Other people on 2^nd and 3^rd phase weren’t getting along either. It was stated by Staff, “The Group isn’t doing well.” It was then that the 4^th and 5^th Phasers would lose their days off and we would be required to come into Group daily until it changed. A tremendous amount of confrontations would happen during this time. It was amazing how many people would attempt to run for a door and leave. It was not unusual to see three or four people being restrained on the floor. Verbal outbursts and physical fights became far too common. I hated to see people being sat on. I avoided doing it at all costs.

It was in June when things really clicked for me. I was able to remember a lot more about specific incidents in my past and got to the point that I was able to think of one for every single rap. I was motivating constantly and was never afraid to verbally confront someone if I knew that was best for him or her.

I continued to look for a full time job and on July 1 I finally found it. I was hired to work as a Grounds Keeper on an 80-acre Estate called Sky Top. The owner was a multi-millionaire in the Andersonville area. Robert owned Sky Top as well as the Milford Mall. Ironically he used to own the JTS Brown Distillery. I distinctly remember seeing the billboards for that company while I was growing up in Anderson City. The slogan was “Come on, spoil yourself.” I remember thinking it was a pretty sick slogan considering it was for whiskey. Robert however, became a very wealthy man making that whiskey. He had a Mansion on top of the property. In addition to that home, there was a pool house, complete with a three-car garage, and an elevator. A two story storage house, a small two bedroom house that my boss Wayne lived in, Wayne was the Master Grounds Keeper, a greenhouse, two, two story houses that Robert rented out, a log cabin house and horse stables. There was also a place at the end of the property line that became known as “The Pit”. It contained junk that had been collected over the years. Including an old gas pump when gas was only 11 cents a gallon. I later learned there was a large supply of brass from the distillery that had been shut down a number of years ago. The place was huge. I reported to work at 8:00am Monday through Friday and worked until 5:00pm. The first thing I was responsible for doing was sweeping the driveway. No, you didn’t read it wrong. Robert’s wife, Helen was a stickler for having her driveway-cleaned everyday. The problem was, it was a two-lane one-mile plus driveway. For the level part of it, I used a push vacuum; the rest of the driveway was cleaned using a gas powered backpack blower. Once that was done, I was assigned a section of the estate and cut the grass in that area. I was also responsible for cleaning the pool and other odd jobs as they were assigned. One of the nice things about this job was the fact that I got to work with my Oldcomer Steve. Sometimes he and I were assigned jobs that allowed us to work together. On occasion, I had to work with an older black gentleman named Franklin.

I liked the idea of being out of the building all day and only having to go to Group for Rules Rap and Evening Rap. I would arrive back at the building at about 5:30pm get a shower, and change clothes before heading out to the Group.

On July 9 I was headed to the bathroom to shower and change when I ran into Todd. I said, “Hey Todd, what’s up?” Todd replied, “I’m thinking about 7^th Stepping!” I didn’t respond, but clearly remember not thinking much of it. After all, he hadn’t been on 5^th Phase much more than 60 days. A lot of 7^th Steppers I know where on 5^th Phase for 3 months or more. So, I can’t tell you how shocked I was when Todd 7^th Stepped that night. I wrote my MI and promised that I would maintain contact with him, but in the back of my mind I was worried that I may lose his friendship...forever.

Within weeks of Todd 7^th Stepping I started thinking about getting out of the program myself. Even though I had committed to finishing the program there were days that I just wanted out. I was tired of the senseless confrontations. I was tired of the irrational fear of Staff that I had developed. I couldn’t even walk across the street from work to get a pop and a sandwich without thinking a Staff member would drive by and see me, thinking that I had gone somewhere other than work without permission. I was tired of taking care of Newcomers. I was tired of Fostering Out and babysitting immature Oldcomers. I was tired of filling out permission forms just so me and some friends could get together and go out somewhere. I was tired of not having a girlfriend. I was still thinking about Denise a good deal of my day and I still missed her. So it was no surprise that one day while working in and around the log cabin house I got an idea. The log cabin house was not occupied. One day after work, I left the back door unlocked. I was going to cop-out that evening and come back and stay here. As I was driving to the building later that day I was thinking about how I was going to leave. Then it hit me. Work is the first place Staff would look for me. Going to the log cabin was not the best idea for a hiding place. I quickly realized that I wasn’t going anywhere. I was staying, even if I hated it. Period. Depression set in as I drove back to the building, thinking about Denise.

Every once in a while, about once during each phase of my program, Gary who was now on Junior Staff would pull me to the 5^th Phase Desk and go over a “treatment plan.” I learned that Gary was now my primary Counselor. If I recall correctly, I was required to fill out a form with my name, age, drugs I did, days on each phase and a short self-evaluation, you know, strong points, weak points, goals I want to accomplish. Well, on this particular day I learned something. During the entire time in the Program I thought I had done the drug cocaine. Gary asked about that. “Don, how did you take the drug? Did you snort it?” “No” I replied, “I smoked it, a joint was laced with it.” Gary looked a little concerned and said, “I’ve never heard of cocaine being smoked that way. Describe the buzz for me.” I thought for a moment and said, “Well, it was intense, like smoking hash, but much stronger. I think it lasted longer too.” Gary smiled and said, “That wasn’t cocaine you were smoking, that was PCP.” My jaw hit the floor. I could feel my face redden, but not from embarrassment, I was scared! Scared that I would be started over for “not being honest with the group.” I looked at Gary and said, “I feel guilty about this, what’s going to happen?” He looked at me and said, “You don’t have to feel guilty about this. It’s a common mistake. Don’t make a big deal about it. Talk with the group and move on.” I was never more relieved. Gary had always supported me and I will always love him for dealing with this situation in that manner. I am sure that other Staff Members like Dean would’ve make a scene over it and I know that others would’ve accused me of conning the Group and had me Started Over. Not Gary. He was really fair about the whole thing.

On July 19, I had Bry, a Newcomer of mine put in for 5^th Phase for me. I can’t tell you how disappointed I was when I didn’t make it. On the way home, I learned that he had forgotten to put in for it for me. I was very upset about this. He promised that he would remember next time.

On July 23 I was working at the Milford Mall. Steve and I were told to load a semi-trailer with whiskey barrels that were cut in half. I can still smell the alcohol to this day. It was awful. Steve and I talked about how we felt about it. I was just unhappy with the smell. Steve on the other hand was really dealing with some weakness and feelings of powerlessness. I encouraged him and told him to concentrate on getting the job done and moving on. We loaded the trailer in no time. I didn’t give it too much thought.

I had Bry put in for 5^th Phase for me again that day. This time he kept his word. I remember the words Mr. Stafford spoke during his opening comments that night just moments before I made 5^th Phase. “The people you see standing around the Group are not guards. They are 5^th Phasers. They have worked very hard to be able to stand there. They have worked on dealing with themselves by sharing their feelings about their drug use, the have worked on their family relationships and improving those, they have worked on accomplishments outside the Group in school or work. They have faced druggie friends, they have also worked on spending time making quality friendships and using leisure time wisely. As Mr. Stafford was going through each of the points, I remember thinking to myself; “I’ve done that.” “Yeah, I’ve done that too.” When finally he said, “Tonight I am proud to announce, Don Smith…you’re on 5^th Phase.” I was elated. I stood up and made my way to the side of Group. A new 5^th Phaser stands to watch over the front row. I took that position with pride. My mom and dad would later tell me just how proud they were of me. I was now on my last active phase of the Program at Straight, Inc.